


Carry on

by AnkaBaiam



Series: Carry on [1]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Forgive Me, I'm Sorry, M/M, Not soon but will be, Please Don't Hate Me, Slow Burn, There will be eventually happy end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-08 13:14:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14106177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnkaBaiam/pseuds/AnkaBaiam
Summary: The last thing Even remembered before darkness, were lights. And a lot of noise, maybe someone screaming. Probably for help. Everything was moving way too fast. But he didn’t know, because the darkness swallowed him.When he wakes up, he has many questions: Who is Isak? And why does he feel like he fucked up?





	1. DAY 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry, I haven't write in a long time... :/  
> But I hope you'll like it, some chapters are shorter, others are longer.  
> Please give it chance and please tolerate all the mistakes in! Thanks!

_Everything around him was moving so fast. He couldn't think. He had so much thoughts. All at once. He couldn't clear his head. Too fast. Things were too fast. But he couldn't stop._

_He was so happy. Or was he sad? He didn't know. But it doesn't matter anymore._

_Where is he? Where is he running? Why is it cold?_

_He doesn't care. It's not important. He has to find Him. He has to make sure He is okay. Who is He? Why is He so important?_

_Why is he feeling so empty? How can he feel so full at the same time?_

_Why won't his thoughts stop?? Why is everything so LOUD? He just wants the world to stop moving. Everything to be quiet._

_What's happening?!_

_The last thing Even remembered before darkness, were lights. And a lot of noise, maybe someone screaming. Probably for help. Everything was moving way too fast. But he didn’t know, because the darkness swallowed him._

 

* * *

 

When Even opened his eyes again, he was lying in white, hospital room. He looked around. Noone was here. His heart was beating faster and the machines, he was connected to, started to beeping. Soon after it, a young man in white coat was standing next to his bed.

“Hi!” he said quietly, he got curly blond hair and green eyes. Even was just staring on him. “What happened?” he asked. The doctor came closer to him and looked on the machines, then back on Even. “You were manic,” he said, “and you ran in a street and were hit by a car.”

“Oh.” _That would explain the pain._

The doctor tried to take his hand, but Even avoided his hand. “Sorry,” he whispered, “it’s just a habit.” Even frowned, “Does this happen often?” The doctor was looking on him few seconds. He looked confused. “Even,” Even looked in his green eyes, “do you remember my name?” the doctor asked.

Even shook his head. “I don’t think you ever introduced.” He whispered.

The boy didn’t say anything for while, looking on Even, but avoiding his eyes. “Sure, I am sorry, my fault, I am Dr. Valtersen.” The young man introduced himself and tried to smile, but failed miserably. “Just get some rest, okay? Try to sleep.” Then he turned around and quickly left the room.

Not so long after that, Even really felt asleep again.


	2. DAY 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even wakes up in a hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for nice comments! Means a lot :)

When he woke up again, outside was already dark.

He saw his parents standing next to doors, talking to dr. Valtersen. They hadn’t notice, that Even is awake, and they spoke quietly. Even didn’t understand everything they have been talking about.

“He looks fine,” the doctor said, “we gave him his meds, so he should be stable for now…” “…” “…just one thing,” he stopped, “he doesn’t remember…” his mother gasped, “..it’s better if it stays this way…” “…maybe he will be finally happy…” “I am sorry.” He heard his mother’s voice. “It’s okay,” the doctor said, when his mother stroked his shoulder, “I will leave you now.” He said and left the room.

_He will be finally happy? What kind of bullshit is that?_

He decided not to tell his parents, about overhearing their conversation. Not until he will find out, what they have been talking about. Had he another accident earlier? Maybe dr. Valtersen was his doctor before, but then why he seems so close with his mother? Unless he was something more… but it couldn’t be... he was with Sonja… right?

“Hi!” his mother greeted him with tears in her eyes. “I was so worried about you!” Even took her hand. “I am fine mom.” He whispered. “How long do I have to stay here?” His mother chuckled and sighed. “Few days, Even, at least, he wants to make sure you are okay.” “He?” “Is…. Your doctor, darling,” his mother softly brushed his hair, “try to get some sleep, okay?” Even tried to nod, but failed. "We can talk when you feel better." his mother smiled on him kindly.

Even’s eyes felt hard, and soon he was sleeping again.

Later that night he was awoken by voice calling his name quietly. He opened his eyes slowly, and saw dr. Valtersen, standing next to his bed. When Even finally opened his eyes, he whispered “Sorry” as he got up away from the bed, walked to the night table and picked up Even’s meds, “you need to take these,” he said as he gave Even a glass of water and the pills.

Even took them without anything and Isak took the glass back from him and put it on the night table. “How are you feeling?” he asked, “I am fine.” “You sure? It’s okay to be hurt, an actual car hit you.” Even laughed quietly, “What?” the boy asked, “It’s not funny, you could’ve end up much worse.” Even looked on boy’s face. “It’s like life is giving you second choice.” Boy smiled. “No,” Even shook his head slightly, “I don’t deserve second chance.” “Don’t say that.” The boy wasn’t smiling anymore.

_Why do you care about me?_

 “I will let you sleep now.” The doctor whispered, his hand reached out to brush Even’s hair, but he never did. His hand stopped moving and instead quickly turned around and left.

Even was too tired to say anything, so he just let it be and went back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry!


	3. DAY 3-5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even talks to Sonja, something goes wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, I really don't know much about bipolar, so please don't hate me :D I tried my best. Things are going down from now on... Who is Isak??

He was sleeping through few next days, his mom came few time, as his friends (mostly Elias and Mutta, once even Mikael) Even was glad his friends stopped by, but hated the fact, that he hadn't energy to actually talk with them. And he wanted to, mostly with Mikael, because he never had chance to explain himself, so… that was it. Also dr. Valtersen visited him quite often, he never talked much around him, which shocked Even, because he always heard his beautiful laugh from outside. Maybe he was upset that he doesn't remember him?

 

Today it was Sonja who kept him company. "Hi!" he greeted her with smile, as soon as she entered his room. "Hi," she said quietly with a shy smile, "how are you feeling?" she asked as she sat on the bed next to him.

"It's pretty boring to be honest," Even chuckled, "but they want to keep me here for a bit longer." Sonja smiled. "I am sorry I didn't come earlier." "It's okay." Even said and tried to lay higher, so he could see on Sonja better. "So," he started, "how have you been? I feel like we hadn't talk in a long time." "Well," Sonja nervously chuckled, "we hadn't." Even frowned, but didn't say anything. "I'm doing fine actually, I found a job, I also am seeing someone…" Even gasped, at that moment, someone opened the door, Even wanted to shout on them to go away, but it was dr. Valtersen, and he felt bad for being even more rude on him, when he already forgot who he was. "Sorry," the boy in white coat said and came closer to bed, "nice to see you Sonja," he greeted the blond girl as handed the pills to Even, Even took them and drank all the water in glass.

_He thought he should wait when they are alone, but after all… what the fuck?!_

"What the fuck Sonja?!" he half shouted, both Sonja and the doctor were shocked by his loud shouting, the boy was standing next to door, and it didn't seem that he was planning to leave the room anytime soon, instead he looked back on Even, who was furiously looking on Sonja, who hasn't said anything. "I am stuck in here for like a week and you already broke up with me? After all these years?!" Sonja frowned, "Even… are you aware that we broke up like two years ago?" She said  a bit confused, "and it was actually you, who broke up with ME!" Now was Even's turn to be suprised and out of words. "You can't shout on me for moving on, when you actually broke up with me for Isak!" "I..uh…" At that moment dr. Valtersen came to her and put his hand on Sonja's shoulder. "He doesn't remember Isak." he whispered to her. "What?!" Sonja shouted, "Shit! What happened? Why noone told me about it? I am sorry.“ „It’s okay, just…“

"CAN YOU BOTH KINDLY SHUT UP AND TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?" Even shouted and both of them looked back at Even.

 “You broke up with me,” Sonja said, looking on her hands, “so you could be with Isak…” Even chuckled, “So now I am dating Isak and I don’t even know who he is?!” “No,” the boy in white coat said, “you broke up with him.” “What?” Sonja gasped, “I thought things were well?” “They were…” “Then why did he broke up with… Isak?” “He would like to know that as well.” With that the boy left. Sonja watched him leave, then she looked on Even. “Even?” she asked.

_Was she angry? She sounded a bit angry…_

Even just shrugged. “How the hell am I supposed to know that?! You just told me we broke up 4 years ago!! I. DON’T. REMEMBER.” “But,” Sonja sounded so sad, “it’s Isak… you loved him with your whole heart, why would you break up w…” “Can you stop talking about him, since I don’t know who he is?!” Even shouted on her. Both of them were in uncomfortable silence.

_This was going to be a long night…_

“Sorry,” Even eventually spoke again and broke the silence, “it’s just a lot to take…” Sonja just nodded, “can you tell me more about him? About Isak?” Sonja was quiet for a long time. “I don’t think I am the right person to talk about him.” Sonja said and looked on her hands. Even looked out of the window, “So how is he?” he said and looked back at his ex-girlfriend, “the boy you’re seeing?”

Sonja smiled, and God, Even was so glad to see her smiling again, fights with Sonja were always bad. “His name is Aleksander,” Sonja started talking, “he is two years older, and he just got a job offer, but it’s in Denmark, so we’re thinking about moving there.” “Wow, that’s big.” Even smiled, “I am happy for you.”

Sonja stayed few more hours, doctor Valtersen let her stay longer than were normal visiting hours. They talked about a lot of things, they missed when they haven't been talking together.

When Sonja finally left the young doctor came to check on him before he left home.

“Why do you care about me so much?” Even asked him, when the young boy came. “Well,… it’s my job isn’t it?” “You could’ve let other doctor to look after me.” “It’s okay Even, I don’t mind.” The young boy smiled on him and walked toward the door, before he could close them Even talked again. “Dr. Valtersen?” he turned around, “Yes Even?” “I am sorry I don’t remember you.” “Yeah, me too.” He answered so quietly, that Even almost didn’t hear him.

_But he did._ _And he was really sorry. Because there was some feeling inside him. Some feeling that was telling him "you fucked up this one". But he was going to figure it out. Eventually._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it might be little confusing right now, but I promise I will explain everything later!


	4. DAY 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even talks to Adrian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am with another chapter, yay!

Even slept almost through whole day, except when Dr. Valtersen woke him up to give him his meds.  

His mind seemed better now. He hadn't that much thoughts at the moment which was a relief. But there were still things he didn't understand. Such as, what happened before, that he doesn't remember now? Who is Isak? And why doesn't he remember him?

He will ask his mother, Even decided.

Shortly after  lunch, when Dr. Valtersen gave him his daily dose of meds, his mother came to visit him again.

She brought him his laptop, headphones and some clean clothes. She was sitting there, on the chair next to his bed, kindly smiling.

_I will do it. I will ask._

"Who is Isak?" Even spat out the question and looked on his mother, "Do you know him? What is he like? Why hadn't he visit me yet?"

He needed the answers. Asap. NOW.

"Oh darling," his mother pushed the chair toward to his bed, so she was closer to him. "I know Isak, and he's lovely young boy who cares about you..." "But..." "Of course he was here Even. Actually he was the first one to get here, to make sure you're okay." "...I don't remember him..." Even's voice betrayed him, he felt tears in his eyes. Why is he feeling so sad? It hurt that he even didn't know why it was so hard. His brain failed him once again.

_Who are you Isak? Please tell me. Because I don't know. I don't remember._ _Help me._

 

In evening he was alone, his mother left, and the visitor hours were over anyway. Even heard dr.Valtersen's voice outside his room. He was laughing to some joke from another doctor. Before Even knew what he was doing, his hand pushed the red button next to his bed.

It worked, laughing stopped and dr.Valtersen was in his room immediately. "What's wrong?" he asked as he rushed to Even's bed. "I feel bad," Even started, as doctor was checking the machines, Even was connected to. "about forgeting who you are." he finished his sentence. The doctor looked on him, not saying anything. "Jesus…" he sighed with relief. "You scared me, you asshole." he chuckled as he made one step back. "Sorry, I just wanted to talk," the young boy was looking on him with serious face again, "if that's okay…"

Both of them has been quiet for few seconds. "Okay." he finally agreed. "I can come when my shift ends." Even nodded. "I am not going anywhere." Both boys chuckled. "Okay, I guess I will see you later then." the doctor said as he walked to the door, before he could close them, Even spoked again. "One more thing!" The doctor turned around, "Hm?" "You never told me your name." There was silence again, before he answered. "Adrian. My name is Adrian." he said with shy smile and with that he was gone.

_Adrian._

 

Even looked on the time on his laptop. 16:39. Plenty of time. So he opened his file with movies and started watching another movie from Baz Luhrmann.

 

Adrian wasn't lying. He really came.

Even was just closing the laptop, when the doors opened. Adrian wasn't wearing his white coat anymore. "What happened to that white coat?" Even asked. "Well, I told you I'll come after my shift. So no coat needed." he smiled. "You look nice in you coat." Even blurted. When he realized what he said, he put hands over his mouth. "Sorry," he muffled, "don't know why I said that." Adrian shook his head. "It's okay, I am used to it." "Oh, am I usually flirting with you?" Even asked, smiling. "Well… you're that kind o person."

_Oh, am I?_

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Even asked as he pointed on his laptop. "Depends what movie you choose." Adrian answered and moved the chair closer, sitting on it. "I will choose a perfect one for you!" Even grined, "What kind of movies you like?" Adrian chuckled, "I am not telling you." "Why? I am not going to judge you." Adrian looked in his eyes, "You promise?" "Yeah, I promise." Even said, smiling. He didn't know why he was smiling, Adrian just had this effect on him.

"Well, I like Cloud Atlas for example, I like the idea of "an idea" moving through generations, how small acts of kindness can change something much bigger than we are." "Whoah that's deep." Even chuckled. "You promised not to laugh!" Adrian shouted jokingly and pushed Even in his arm as he saw him smiling widely. "Don't you agree with that idea?"

Even thought about it. On one side Adrian was right, ideas and thoughts were strong, on the other side, he didn't like the feeling. It made him feel small. Alone. Sad.

"The only way to have something forever is by loosing it." He didn't know why he said it. It just felt right. It felt similar. Dejà vu. Adrian wasn't suddenly smiling anymore. "You can't say that." There was so much pain in his voice. Sadness. "It was just a joke. Sorry." "Just don't say shit like that Even, you don't have to loose things to have them forever. Trust me." He was looking straight in his eyes.

"So you're studying chemistry?" "How is that helping you to choose a movie for me?" "Just trust me." Even smirked. Or tried to. "No. Biology actually… here I am, am I not? A doctor?" "Of course, my fault." Even smiled, "so you're the clever one…" "I am not that clever." "Sure, and Sun is blue." "What?" Adrian frowned, "why are you talking about sun?" both boys were laughing. "But for real… Sun is not yellow either. It's white." "Whaaat?" Even shook his head. "And you say, you're not clever."

In the end they have been talking until late night, about school, their interests, movies, books. Even didn't remember this boy at all, but everything felt so natural with him. Talking to him was so easy. He could be his self. No pretending to be better. No pretending to be alright. Because Adrian understood. His mother was also sick.

"My mother has shizophrenia." Adrian suddenly blurted out at one point of their chat. "Oh, I am sorry." Even didn't know what to say. It must have been hard for him, to have someone crazy as Even in family. "It is hard, but she's not crazy Even, and you're not either." _Shit, he didn't realized he said those words loud._ "It's okay to be angry Even, I got it," Adrian said and he took his hand in his own, "I can't imagine how hard it has to be sometimes, but you have to fight. You have to stay strong." "But what if I don't want to fight anymore?" Adrian had tears in his eyes. "Then you have to fight for your family, and for Isak." "Why Isak? Hadn't I broke up with him?" "But you promised him. To never give up again."

_To never give up again? Did he tried to kill himself?_

Even didn't know he was crying until Adrian wiped his tears away. "You'll be okay Even, I promise you that." Even just nodded. The room was quiet, the only sounds were coming from outside.

"I uh… should go, it's pretty late anyway.." Adrian moved away from Even and stood up, "But  it was nice talking to you." he smiled a little bit. As he was leaving Even sat in his bed. "Adrian..?" Adrian turned around, "Yeah?" "I have a perfect movie for you." Adrian laughed quietly, "Guess I will have to come again." "See you." Even whispered, as the doors closed.

_I will see you soon._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My lovely boys I am sorry for the pain :/


	5. DAY 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrian has bad day, Even is here to make his day better. Or at least to try.

Even knew something was wrong with Adrian since the moment he came to wake him up. He hasn't done anything special, it was just something… feeling in his guts, telling him he was not okay. He seemed tense, hadn't smile much. Was he angry? Was he angry on EVEN?

Even ignored it, pretented to not notice, but he couldn't.

 

He saw Adrian walking outside in the hallways, he hadn't stop for a moment. Since very early morning he has been running around all the pacients. Taking no breaks. No eating. As if he was punishing himself. He also talked to the other doctors about some pacient, but he wasn't his usual nice self. He was rude and harsh. He had no patience, everything drove him angry. It seemed that they had some difficult operation and the pacient wasn't doing well. No wonder that Adrian had nerves. He probably blamed himself for it. Even just wanted to make him feel better, but he didn't know how.

So he was quiet when Adrian gave him his meds, no flirting, no teasing. If Adrian noticed Even's change of behaviour, he hasn't mentioned it. They haven't been talking, and Adrian seemed to be avoiding Even's eyes as much as he could.

 

Even was tolerating Adrian and Adrian's behaviour whole day. Thinking how to pay him back his care.

He was pushing the red button next to his bed and when Adrian came, he always told him some joke such as "Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?" "Huh?" Adrian asked uninteresly, "He just needed a little space." "That's it?" Adrian's frowned, "Call me if you need actual help, okay?" And he was gone.

Or another time he would press the button, Adrian came, angrily looking at him. "What now?" "Do you believe in true love?" "I used to." And Even was left alone. The next times he showed him funny pictures, memes, videos but every time Adrian just left. Honestly it was getting frustrating. _People need people._

 

In the end Even sighed and pushed the red button next to his bed one last time, he knew from the nurse that Adrian was finally off his shift, soon Adrian walked in his room. He looked on Even with blank expression. In his eyes was an untold question. _What do you want now?_

He was already in his normal clothes, coat hanging in his office. "I am going home, what do you want?" he asked, his eyes red from tiredness, his voice sounded so harsh.

"Okay," Even said, "that's enough for you." he said as he stoop up from his bed, his whole body hurt, but that didn't stop him, he came to Adrian.  "C'mere." he whispered as he hugged him. It took Adrian a second before he melted in the touch and hugged him back. 

Even didn't ask what was wrong. He just knew he had to make him hapy again. Or so, to try again and again until he succeeded. He felt like he owed him that much.

When they broke up the hug, Even closed the door and took Adrians hand. He led him back to his hospital bed. Without any word he lied on the bed and pulled Adrian next to him. "What are you doing?" Adrian whispered. "I am taking care of you." _As you did take care of me._ Even hugged him and soon Adrian put his face in Even's neck. Shortly after both of them fell asleep.

 

When Adrian woke up few hours later, Even was already awake, watching him. "Hi." he whispered, and Adrian looked around, confused where he is. "How do you feel?" "Better." Adrian murmured. "I should probably go." he tried to get up, but he was still intertwined in Even's hug. "Stay." Even asked (secretly begged). "I still owe you movie, don't I?" Adrian didn't say anything for second, then he started laughing quietly. "Okay."

Even let go of Adrian as he reached for his laptop. Adrian whined silenly at the loss of Even's warm, Even chuckled at that, and when he lied back, Adrian put his head on  Even's chest. "What are we watching?" he asked. "It's called 'I Origins', and you're going to love it!" Even chuckled and pressed play.

In the beggining Adrian was still asking Even questions, and Even had to shush him, but as the moving was playing, Adrian got so invested in the plot, that he didn't talk anymore. His eyes glued to the screen, absorbing everything. He was crying during the movie when the main character died, his tears falling on Even's t-shirt and Even held his hand, whispering comforting words, the second time he cries is on the end, where he finds out, that the main character may not be as dead as it seemed.

The screen went black with white titles running on it. Even closed the laptop. "So…" he asked, looking on Adrian, "did you like the movie?" "I.. uh.. But… It's awesome but…" Adrian couldn't express himself. "I mean… the idea of the soul moving to another body…. That's just …. Oh my god… I am sorry." Adrian stopped talking, but Even was smiling on him, "Just say it. I like listening to you. You're cute." Adrian smiled on him. Soon he started talking about paralel universes and so on. Even was quietly listening to everything he said, feeling so comfortable with Adrian on his side. It felt natural. It felt nice. He wanted to stay there forever.

"Please don't leave me." Even said with tears in his eyes. "I am always here, I am not going anywhere." Adrian answered with light smile. "Will you stay the night?" Even asked carefully and quietly. Adrian looked up to him and studied his face for a while.

"Okay."


	6. DAY 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more mystery, Even was honestly getting pissed.

_He was standing in front of building. It seemed to be yellow. He couldn't be sure, it was already dark outside. There was a bench standing in front of him. Suddenly he saw lights. The building in front of him wasn't empty anymore. Muffled voices were coming from inside. He was sitting on the bench, when He came and sat next to him. A boy. Without face. Without body. Even couldn't see him. But he felt his presence. He felt a shivering, as they fingers touched, when the boy took the joint from him. He suddenly didn't feel as lonely anymore. Suddenly he wasn't sitting on the bench anymore. He was standing near to it. It was later. And he was much colder than before. And here he was. The mysterious boy, running to him. Whispering 'du er ikke alene'. And Even once again felt safe. Warm. Happy. It seemed, that no matter what, the boy was always running to him._

_But then, one last time, Even appeared in front of the bench. This time, there were still light outside. It was warm, summer probably. But something was wrong. There was no boy on the bench. It was empty. He was alone. He was sad. He wanted to cry. But why? Something was missing. But what? Or more like WHO? I need to find him, Even thought. But where to find a person, whom you don't even remember?_

_Please find me! Even cried._

 

He woke up, screaming. It was Adrian who was sitting on his bad next to him, his hand softly brushing Even's hair. "It's okay, Even." he whispered. "It was just a bad dream." Even looked on him, deeply breathing. "I think I dreamt about Isak." he whispered, the young doctor stopped brushing his hair for second. "Well…" he started brushing his hair again, "that's good. It seems your memory is slowly coming back." he smiled a little bit. "I lost him," Even asked him, "didn't I?" but he didn't get any answer back.

 

When he woke up again it was already a day. Adrian was sitting at the small table, writing something on his computer. He hadn't his coat on. He really had stay the night, hadn't he?

"Hey," Adrian whispered when he saw that Even was no longer sleeping, "how do you feel?" "Miserably." Even answered coldly, "you don't have to be here you know?" He said angrily, hoping that Adrian will leave him alone. "Well, I can't leave you alone." Adrian answered calmly. "I had a dream about Isak." Even said, "I know, you told me." "Have you been here whole night?" Adrian just smiled. "How about we watch some movie? But my choice today." Without any warning Adrian took Even's laptop and sat next to him on bed. Even didn't ask him how does he know his password. Because after all, he doesn't even remember him. Maybe they were best friends and knew each others passwords?

"What are we watching?" Even quietly asked when he figured out that Adrian is not going to leave him alone. "It's movie called 'A beautiful mind'." _Oh... This one... Even hadn't seen the movie before, but he heard about it. A genius goes crazy. No wonder Even still hadn't seen it._ But Even was way too tired to protest anything, so he watch the screen as the movie started.

Adrian made him watch a movie about about man with schizophrenia. About man who was crazy as Even. But he was not crazy, and so wasn't Even. Adrian told him many times. And so did everyone else. And he wanted to believe it. He was trying so hard to believe it

 

In the end he was crying, holding Adrian's hand. "Why are you showing me this?" He cried. "Because I want you to see that it's okay to give up, but no matter what, you have to keep fighting." "Du er ikke alene." Even whispered for himself, if Isak heard him, he didn't say anything. "You're strong enough Even, and you have people who care about you. You do." "And so Alicia is Isak?" Even asked. "Maybe." Adrian said. "Will he be here for me no matter what happens?" "I am sure he will." "Thank you." Even whispered after a while. "Of course." Adrian smiled. "I will have to go now, duty calls." "Okay," Even said very quietly, "but will you come again… please…?" "I'll try, okay?" Even nodded and Adrian took his things from the table and left.

 

 _What the hell is going on?_ Even thought. Being with Adrian was so easy. He enjoyed spending time with him. Making him smile. Making him blush.

 

Even opened his laptop. But this time not for watching a movie. He opened his files and was looking for anything that could help him remember. They told him that he shouldn't read his old messages or look on pictures but he didn't care. He looked on the door. Safely closed. He tapped on the file called 'Pictures'. There were many other files, sorted by date. Even clicked on _June 2017_ He saw tons of pictures with his friends (Balloon squad) on some others he saw another group of boys, but there was one of them who he recognised, Adrian.

The photos were from some party. It seemed that it was a brithday party of the girl with red hair.

On many of the pictures Adrian was standing close to him, or they were hugging, they were even pictures of them dancing. In the end Even found a picture of everyone who had attended the party. He remembered something. Names. He started from left, naming the people. William and Noora, next to her Sana, Yousef, Elias, Eskild, Mikael, Adam and Mutta, in front of them were standing Jonas, Adrian and Even, in middle Eva, the birthday girl, Mutta, Chrises (both of them), Vilde and Magnus with Mahdi. That was everyone on the picture, so was Isak not there? He quickly went through all the pictures from that day, looking for some other person, who could be Isak, but he hadn't succeed. Without any thinking he pressed the red button. And Adrian came few minutes later. "Hey" he greeted with smile, "what's wrong?" Even turned the laptop around, so Adrian could see the picture. "Where is Isak?" he asked, "I looked on the pictures, but I hadn't find any pictures of Isak."  "You shouldn't have." Adrian said quietly and turned around, "And he was there, on the party, he was." he said, right before he left.

 

Something wasn't right here. _Who are you Isak? Where are you hiding?_ Even almost gave up, when he found the file called 'Gutten som ikke klarte å pusten under vann' but when he tried to open it, he found out that it's locked. And he doesn't know the password. He tried all his old passwords he remembered, but nothing worked.

 

One more mystery, Even was honestly getting pissed.

 

When Adrian came in the evening, Even hadn't even greet him. He just looked out of the window and continued ignoring Adrian. It didn't took him long to notice something was wrong. "Are you ignoring me?" Adrian asked. _Yes._ "No." Even said, still avoiding Adrain's face. "Are you not going to talk to me _?" Gosh I want to._ "No." "No jokes?" _Why didn’t the Dog Star laugh at the joke?_ _It was too Sirius._ "No." "No physological questions?" _What are you not telling me?_ "No." Adrian just sighed and sat to the table and opened his laptop, working on his homeworks. Few minutes pasted in total silence. Even was looking on Adrian, not saying anything.

 

"What do you want from me Even?" Adrian suddenly snapped, "I understand you want to remember, but we told you to wait. To give it some time and I really can't help you anyhow." Even didn't say anything. "So make me the favor and stop making everything about yourself." Adrian kept going, "You might have forgotten, but you're not the one who was forgotten." He took deep breathe. "Do you think it's easy for me- to be here, looking on you, talking with you, knowing you don't remember me? Do you know how heartbreaking it is?"

 

He was quiet for few second, before he started talking again, "You have no idea, how hard it was for Isak, being there, finding out you don't remember him at all, after all you have been through." he paused, "I think that the best you can do, is move on. Leave him alone, for your own sake." With these words he left the room.

_Leave him alone, for your own sake. He doesn't need you in his life. He doesn't want you in his life. He will be finally happy. To never give up again. People need people._

 

When Even woke up in middle of night, he saw Adrian sitting back, quietly watching some videos on his laptop, if he was crying, no one needed to know. _Du er ikke allene._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be Isak's POV, I will try to explain some things ;) Sooo, what do you think so far?


	7. DAY 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak's POV

Isak's POV, or more like Adrian's POV ;)

_It was now one year since Even had broke up with him._  
_Isak was shocked, because things were so good lately, they were planning life together, but then Even's episode came. A brutal one. Even ran one night outside in the street. Naked. Isak, of course, ran after him. In the road. Without looking._  
_They both got hit by a car, and both of them ended up in hospital. Even was in better condition than Isak. They checked him and let him rest, meanwhile Isak was on the surgeon table, fighting for his life. The operation took hours, the doctors needed to make sure there was no more internal bleeding, and in the end Isak was moved on ICU. Both boys slept through whole week, and when Even started to feel better, he also started asking for Isak. He was so scared, waking up, not finding Isak to be there with him. The doctors made excuses why he can't see him, such as work, filling papers and so on. The truth was, that Isak was still lying on ICU in coma._  
_But as soon as Isak woke up and find out about the situation, he made sure, that Even will never know the truth. He didn't want to risk loosing him, because of one unfortunate accident. He knew, how personally Even took it, when he hurt people around him because of his bipolar._  
_Soon they released both of them from the hospital. Even officially, Isak under one condition- and so, that he will come every week on quick check. Even also didn't know about that._  
_When they were released, Isak started wearing long sleeves and a lot of jackets. Making sure that Even will not see his body. His body that was marked in blue bruises and many stitches, he needed to clean (he did that in evenings, when Even was already in bed). Things were somehow good. They talked about it a little bit, but Isak always quickly changed the topic, scared, that Even will try to break up with him. Both of them knew the conversation was near, but both of them tried to avoid it as long as they could._  
_Also Even stopped spending so much time with Isak and his friends. It was hard for Isak, he missed all the teasing, flirting and joking with Even. He missed Even's smile and hugs. But on the other side, he was scared of conforting him about it._  
_And so they went on with it. Spending only evenings together, not talking, doing their own things. Everything was "fine"._  
_Until one day, when Isak went to shower and forgot to lock the door behind him. He turned on the water, and let it pour down. His body was still heavily blue, somewhere even purple. It was horrible look, but Isak got used to it. But he cannot say the same about Even, who had just entered in the shower, seeing Isak's naked body for the first time after the accident._  
_"Shit." Isak only whispered, before Even ran out of the flat._  
_Isak got out the shower, grabbed the nearest towel, put it around his waist and ran into the hallway, but Even was already gone._  
_Isak texted Mutta, to tell him that Even is gone, and to text him if he sees him. Than he went to the room to také some clean clothes._  
_It didn't make any sense to try and follow Even. He needed his time, and he will come back, when he is ready. Instead Isak went into the kitchen and started making dinner._  
_Just when Isak was putting the food on the table, he heard the doors to open and quietly close. Even was back. "Hi." Isak whispered, standing next to the table. "Hi." Even greeted back even more quietly and sat to the table, so did Isak. Neither of them touched their food, they were just sitting here, looking on each other._  
_"Why didn't you tell me?" Even finally broke the silence. "Because I didn't want you to hurt." "I hurt you Isak, and you kept it from me." "Sorry." Isak whispered. "Where have you been the weeks before I could see you again?" Isak was quiet, he didn't want to tel him that he was in coma, but also he knew he couldn't lie anymore, so he didn't say anything. "Isak?" Even suddenly sounded angry, "Where. Have. You. Been. The. Two. Weeks. I. Haven't. See. You?" "I was on ICU, in coma for a week." he blurted out, quickly looking away, but then back on Even._  
_Even suddenly wasn't angry, suddenly something in him broke and he started crying. Isak walked to him and hugged him tightly. "It's okay Even. I am okay. We are okay." That night, they didn't eat their dinner. That night they went to bed, together, lying there, hugging each other, trying to get closer to the other boy._  
_After that night things went better again. Even started going out with Isak and his friends again. He was flirting with him. He was teasing him. Things were good. Life was good._  
_Isak honestly thought so, but what he didn't know, was how depressing it was for Even._

_One day he came back home, to their flat, and immediately knew something was wrong. Even hadn't greet him. Isak knew he was home, he saw Even's shoes in the hallway. He walked into the living room, and saw Even standing in kitchen. "Even?" he asked, he was panicking. Is this The day?_  
_When Even came back to the table, he put on it two cups of warm tea. "Sit." he whispered, "We need to talk." It was time to talk._  
_"Don't." Isak whispered, tears coming to his eyes, "Please, don't." But Even just shook his head. "I can't do this Isak." he said, "We're not working." "What?" Isak scoffed, "Even this is bullshit. Don't do this." Even didn't say anything. "Why?" Isak tried, "Is it because of the accident Even? I thought we talked about that." "It's not because of that Isak." A lie. "So what then?!"_  
_Even looked in Isak's eyes, "I just don't love you anymore." Another lie. He said and stood up. "I will come for my things when you're at work." He said as he was leaving the flat._

_Isak's heart broke that day._

_And now, all the months he hadn't heard from Even or see him, here he was. They just brought him from the ambulance, whole body covered in blood and bruises. Isak figured out, that he just had another episode. He made sure he was in the hands of the best doctors in the hospital and meanwhile Even was in the operating room, Isak called his mother to tell her, that Even is going to be fine._  
_The surgery went well and Even was now lying in the hospital bed. Isak went to see him. He looked so peacefull, his pale skin, blond hair. Blue eyes. Isak remembered, how he loved drowning in those blue eyes. He came to him and started brushing his hair. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't resist. He hadn't seen Even so long… Isak wondered if Even moved on, found someone else, he wondered, what happened in Even's life while he wasn't there. Was he happy? I hope so. You deserve to be happy._

_Suddenly Even woke up. Isak stopped brushing his hair. "Hi." he said quietly. "What happened?" Even asked him. "You were manic and ran in a street and were hit by a car." he told him and tried to take his hand, but Even flinched and moved his hand away. Okay. "Sorry," Isak whispered, "it's just a habit." Even frowned. "Does this happen often?” Isak was looking on him few seconds. Wait what? Isak was confused. “Even,” Even looked in his green eyes, “do you remember my name?” Isak asked, his heart beating faster than it should._  
_Even shook his head. “I don’t think you ever introduced.” He whispered. Fuck._  
_Isak felt like someone had stabbed him in the chest, after all they have been through, together… Is this how it ends? Even not remembering him? “Sure, I am sorry, my fault, I am Dr. Valtersen.” Isak quickly introduced himself and tried to smile, but failed miserably. “Just get some rest, okay? Try to sleep.” Then he turned around and quickly left the room._  
_Fuck, so this is it._  
_He walked outside on the hallway and closed the door behind him. He started crying. He sat next to the door, his back on the wall, his head between his legs. Tears were falling on the white floor. Sana was the first one seeing Isak there. She helped him to the room for doctors and sat him on one of the couches._  
_She let him cry for a while, before she started asking questions. Isak sat there, looking nowhere, repeating one sentence in his head. He doesn't remember me. Of course he was still mad at Even, he never explained him why he left- Isak knew he was lying when he said he doesn't love him anymore- but still it was Even. Isak still loved Even. And now Even surely did not love him. Not anymore. Not ever. "He doesn't remember me." he whispered and Sana just hugged him tightly._  
_When Isak calmed a little bit, he talked about it to Sana. She always knew what to do. They talked for a long time, in the end Isak was calm enough to go and talk to Even's parents. He also realized that it might actually be a good thing. If Even forgot Isak, then he probably also forgot how hurt he was feeling, how heartbroken he was. Maybe he could be happy again._

_And so he went to Even's room to talk to Liv and Kristian. “He looks fine,” he said when he greeted them, “we gave him his meds, so he should be stable for now." He smiled on them, "Everything else also looks fine, just one thing,” he stopped, “he doesn’t remember me, maybe he won't recognise you, I honestly don't know,” his mother gasped, "I am so sorry." she whispered, “but I honestly think that it’s better if it stays this way,” Isak said with sadness in his voice, "maybe he will be finally happy, you know? When he doesn't remember all the pain…” “I am sorry Isak.” Liv said and hugged him. “It’s okay,” Isak said, trying not to cry again, "I just hope he will be happy again. I will leave you now.” He said and left the room, heading to the bathroom. Here he locked the door and tried to calm down._

_In the evening he brought Even his meds, he was sleeping, looking so careless. "Even." he whispered few times, before he boy opened his eyes. He almost brushed his hair, but in the end he just left. This was going to be harder than he thought._

_During the few next days, Even's friend came, it was actually nice to see them again. Before they went to see Even, they had a small talk, during which Isak also told them about Even's condition- not remembering Isak, and asked them to not mention him. He might be happier without Isak in his life._

_Unfortunately he hadn't seen Sonja until he brought Even's meds. This was the first time, someone mentioned Isak, Even looked confused and Sonja probably even more. He told Sonja about the break up and quietly left them alone. In the evening before he left home, he went to check on Even. He knew he hadn't to. He knew he shouldn't. But he wanted to see him. And then once again, Even stabbed him into the chest, without even knowing him. "I am sorry I don't remember you." he said, and he sounded so heartbroken. Should you be sorry? After all, you should be glad you don't. You're going to be better off without me. But Isak didn't say anything and just left home._

_The next day Liv came to visit Even, she brought some cookies for Isak. He smiled on her and thanked her. Even was already feeling better and even tried to talk with Isak. But he still had no idea who Isak was. And Isak went on with it, pretending to be 'Adrian'. They talked. A lot. It was always easy to talk to Even. He stayed until late night, when the conversation got too deep. Isak decided it was time to leave._

_In the early morning he was called earlier to job, they had some kid who was attacked by a dog and it didn't look good. Isak did his best, but the small girl would never walk again. And Isak hated that. He hated it. He hated this job. Everything. Even was trying to cheer him up, but it only drove him angrier. In the end Even somehow managed to take him to his hospital bed, and Isak finally got some sleep. He even watched a movie with Even, and honestly? He loved it. He agreed to stay the night with Even._  
_It was bad idea, he knew that, but he just wanted some sleep. And he always slept better with Even on his side._  
_Even had some bad dream that night, and Isak's heart hurt, when Even told him that he dreamt about Isak. But he still did not recognise him. I am here Even. Right here._  
_When Even woke up in the morning, Isak made him watch the movie 'A beautiful mind', hoping Even will remember something, or at least understanding the message. I am here Even. I am Isak. Du er ikke allene._  
_But then Even did something he shoudn't have. He found the pictures from Eva's party. When he showed Isak, and wanted to know where Isak is, he came back to reality._  
_Even is not going to remember me. He is happier without me. Let him go. He forgot who you're. He moved on. Let it go._  
_He didn't understand how Even could be angry on him for forgetting. He didn't understand anything about how it felt to be the one forgotten._  
_He was suddenly furious. He snapped on Even and rushed out of the room. It took him a while to calm down again._  
_When he came back, Even was already sleeping. Isak borrowed Even's laptop, and found the file 'Gutten som ikke klarte å pusten under vann', he opened it and started watching all the videos and pictures Even had there. They were so happy. They were._  
_The next morning Isak signed off Even's case, decided to leave him alone._  
_Maybe we will be finally happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry!!!! But it will get worse.... But(!!) I promise a happy ending (...in the end...)


	8. DAY 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even starts trying to figure out what he forgot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone reads this: I also decided that maybe it's finally time to continue finishing the "Before and after I heard your voice"- it's something I started writing a long time ago and unfortunately I stopped (sorry). Lately I am having some problems with my head (too much stress, my head starts spinning and in the end I just throw up :/ ) and the doctors told me to do something, to relax, so here I am, writing stories, so don't worry I am not going anywhere :)) *Just check it out in my works and let me know what you think :))*

Adrian was upset. No doubt about that.

 

Adrian was ignoring him. He hasn't come, his meds were brought by other nurses, and when he saw Adrian walking on the hall, he never looked into his room, never looking on Even. He later found out, that Adrian wasn't on his case anymore. He tried pressing the red button, hoping Adrian will show up. But every time, only the light next to his door lighted up, and some nurse came to check on him.

He did not like that at all.

Something was wrong.

Shortly after lunch Even saw Adrian again. He was wearing his typical white coat, in his hands were papers, form, files and he was rushing through the hall. Suddenly someone stopped him, they were standing next to the doors of Even's room. It was another doctor. Rasmus, as Even found out later. He hadn't fully understand what they were talking about, but soon he heard Adrian's laugh. Something in him snapped. Even was the one who made Adrian laugh like that.

Without any further thinking he pressed the red button and held it for longer time than needed. What he did not expect, was, that in that case, the light next to his door didn't just light, but it also started ringing. Adrian's laugh suddenly stopped. _Gotcha._ Suddenly an elderly nurse ran into his room, looking so scared, that Even felt little bad for her.

"What's wrong?" she asked him as she was checking his monitors, Even noticed that Adrian was still standing outside his room, he took that opportunity, "I'm sorry, I jst had really bed dream and felt so alone." He said, loud enough to make sure Adrian would hear him. "Oh darling," the old nurse said, looking so kindly on him, "it's just the medication." "I hurt people and they eventually leave me." Even said, and saw how Adrian walked away. "I'll bring you a glass of water, okay?" she asked him. "Thank you." Even answered and looked out of the window.

 

Nearly an hour later, Adrian met Rasmus again. Even was pretty sure, that Rasmus was flirting with him and Adrian didn't seem to mind. But Even did.

And so he did push the red button and held it. Soon the alarm started ringing and both doctors stopped talking. Adrian scoffed and left, while Rasmus went to Even's room. _Great._ The man checked him, and when he found nothing, he looked on Even. "You alright buddy?" he asked. Even scoffed, "I am bored." he said, avoiding Rasmus' look. "Well," Rasmus chuckled, "it's hospital." "Do you have girlfriend?" Even asked him. Honestly. If it goes wrong, he can blame it on the meds he's on.

Rasmus chuckled. "No I don't." "A boyfriend maybe?" Even tried again. "Curious are you?" Rasmus asked him. "Okay," he looked around, making sure no one is near, "I have a little crush on dr.Valtersen." he whispered. "Do you think I have a chance?" he asked, when Even didn't say anything. "No." Even answered without hesitation. Rasmus frowned but didn't say anything. "Alright buddy." he patted his shoulder and left the room. _What an asshole,_ Even thought.

 

Adrian probably figured out, what Even was doing, because he made sure to avoid Even's room at any cost. So Even decided to make a small search. He opened his laptop and searched _How to deal with memory loss?_

He would try anything. He clicked on he first website.

 

 

  * ****Socialize more often****


  * **Doodle**


  * **Write everything down**


  * **Talk to your doctor when worried**


  * **Sleep well**


  * **Eat well**


  * **Be active**


  * **Don't PUSH it**



 

 

Okay, that was it. Even took deep breath and tried to figure out where he should start. He looked on the point number 4. _Write everything down._

He opened his sketch book and on the last page he started writing. On one side of he paper he wrote Isak and circled it few times. Next to his name he words he connected to him.

_Boyfriend? Care about him a lot? Doesn't love me anymore? Unhappy? Hurt him? Invisible? Hiding? On bad terms? Same friends? The dream? Running to him? Leaving him? Being hurt???_

 

On the other side of the paper he wrote another name. Adrian.

Here he did the same thing. Wrote what he knew.

_Cares about me. Avoiding me? Angry? I hurt him? Just friend?? Feeling happy with him. Miss him. Knows Isak._

 

He wrote few more ideas to each of the name, adding some other things, such as Sonja, Nissen, Bakka, Mikael, bench, trying to remember, to connect it everything together, but things didn't seem to make sense.

 

So he looked on the list he found earlier and crossed the point he had done

 

 

 

  * ****Socialize more often****


  * **Doodle**


  * ~~**Write everything down**~~


  * **Talk to your doctor when worried**


  * **Sleep well**


  * **Eat well**


  * **Be active**


  * **Don't PUSH it**



 

 

At that moment the nurse came into his room, to tell him he should sleep. And so he did. Tomorrow he will figure it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *not skam*  
> Guys I fucked up, I just watched whole Shadowhunters just because of Malec... what's wrong with me?? :D no doubt why I don't have any social life


	9. DAY 11

_This time it was Even who was running. He didn't know where he was, or where he was running. He just had so much energy. He was so angry on world. That he just continued running._

_Until he stopped. He was standing on the bridge. The sun was slowly coming up, first shines, touching still sleeping houses of Oslo. He looked around. He was alone. As always. Alone with his thoughts. Thoughts that were killing him inside. He tried to stop, but he couldn't. Noone could help him, because in the end, he would just hurt them and they would leave him. He was alone. Unless… he would be the one leaving them…_

_He walked up to the railling and looked down. The river under the bridge was wild. He sat up on the railling and watched the rising sun._

_Suddenly all his thoughts calmed down. The tears were coming down his face. He was so happy but so sad at the same time. But he had to do this. For everyones good._

_Just as he tried to push himself down, strong arms pulled around him. The person hugging him tightly, crying into his face. He looked around. "Isak." he whispered, "I am sorry." The invisible boy looked on him, face wet from tears. "Don't do it Even," he cried, "du er ikke allene." Even tried to pull away from him, but the boy didn't let him go. No, the boy suddely jumped on the railling and sat next to him. "If you jump, I jump." he whispered, "I can't breathe without you, Even. You're my everything and I love you so much, okay?" Isak said, hugging Even, trying to get as close to him as he could. "I am always here, I am not going anywhere." Isak said with tears in his eyes, "I know I am new to all this, I know I probably fucked up so much things, but don't give up on me yet Even, because I am not giving up on you. Never! Understood?" Even was looking on Isak, again crying. Finally hugging him back._

 

Even woke up crying. Calling Isak's name. He couldn't breathe. _He tried to kill himself. It was real. And if there wasn't was Isak, he would've been gone._

The machines Even was connected to, sensed something was wrong and started beeping. Soon a nurse came to check on him. She just gave him some pills for sleeping and let him sleep again. Just before Even fell asleep again, he saw a boy coming in his room. "Isak…" he whispered, before he doze off.

 

When he woke up again, it was already day. For few minutes he was jus lying in bed, thinking about his dream. Then he reached for his sketch book and opened it on the last page. He wrote to Isak's name things from the dreams (bridge, suicide, not leaving me, …), he looked on the notes he wrote. When suddenly he noticed something new, that he hadn't wrote.

Next to Isak's circle, where he yesterday wrote 'Doesn't love me anymore', were the words crossed and and under it, in nice handwritting was written ' _Still loves you and always will'._ Even felt the tears coming to his eyes.

So it was Isak who came yesterday. _He hasn't give up on him._

 

Even suddenly remembered his research from yesterday and opened his laptop.

 

 

  * ****Socialize more often****


  * **Doodle**


  * ~~**Write everything down**~~


  * **Talk to your doctor when worried**


  * **Sleep well**


  * **Eat well**


  * **Be active**


  * **Don't PUSH it**



 

 

Today was time to socialize.

He texted his friends, if they want to come, they all agreed. Even had about half hour before they'll come. So he opened his chat with Sonja.

 

**SONJA**

**10:39**

**Hi Sonja**

**Can I ask you  something?**

**Hi Even, sure..?**

**It's about Isak…**

**…**

**We broke up right?**

**Yeah…**

**Was it Isak who broke up?**

**No, what I heard you left him.**

**Without any explanation…**

**I fucked up this one, didn't I?**

**Do you remember now?**

**no**

**Tell me about him**

**I can't you know that**

**Sonja please**

**You better remember him Even**

**You broke up with me because of him**

**Don't you fucked up with him**

**Sonja…**

**I'm serious Even**

**I maybe was bitch and deserved it**

**But he doesn't**

**I am trying Sonja**

**I really am**

**But I don't know what to do**

**Just trust your insticts**

 

Even didn't know what to answer and Sonja hasn't write anything else, so he just closed the chat and took his sketch book.

He looked on his previous paintings, there were so many sketches. Mostly of random people sitting in the tram, but there was one person, whom Even draw more often than usuall. A young boy with curly hair, hidden under a cap. _Isak._ Even went through the pages trying to find Isak's face, but it seemed Even never finished it. He angrily closed the sketch book and threw it over the room. It felt next to the doors, which just opened.

 

Baloon squad was here.

 

"Oi dude!" Mutta shouted and looked on the sketch book, "What happened?" "Hi boys." Even smiled, and all the boys came to his bed. "So how have you been?" Elias asked, "better than last time?" he joked. Even chuckled, "Yeah."

"So what's new?" Even asked. Yousef started, "Well, me and Sana are living together," "Finally." the boys shouted at the same time when Even screamed "Whaaat?" "Even, man! C'mon they have been together for years, even you moved in with Isak earlier." Suddenly everyone shut up, the room was in awkward silence. "Um… how long have I been dating Isak?" Even asked quietly, looking on the boys. "Well.. We probably shouldn't…" Elias started, "How long?" Even asked again. "Three years, next week it would be four." Mikael spoke up, Even looked on him, feeling the tears coming to his eyes, "When did we broke up?" "Almost one year ago." Even started crying, he didn't care if the boys saw him. He was so sad. So heart broken. But why? If Sonja said truth and Even was the one to break up with Isak, why was he sad?

The boys didn't say anything and just hugged him. 'Group-hug' as Mutta used to call it. "I am sorry, I don't know why I am crying." Even whispered. "Because you love him." some of the boys said. All the boys even Even laughed.

"Okay," Even dried his tears, "so what else did I miss?" _What else did I forgot?_

After that the boys started talking all at once and Even had problem understanding them. At one point of the chatting Even stopped listening to them. Adrian was walking on the hall, talking to Rasmus. Smilling. _Fucking asshole, that Rasmus._ Even held the red button without hesitation. The boys didn't notice, too busy arguing about some girl Mutta was flirting with.

As soon as the beeping started, Even heard Adrian groan and going away, leaving Rasmus behind. Even chuckled a bit, _victory._

When the nurse rushed into the room, all the boys turned around. Looking on each other. "What's wrong." she asked, annoyed. Even shrugged, "I am sorry," he said looking on the boys, "they are little… you know… touching things…" Adam laughed, "I bet it was Mikael!" "What? No!" he screamed, soon all the boys started shouting over each other and the nurse left.

Later the boys went to hospital shop to buy some food, the only one who stayed was Mikael. When they were alone, Even looked on him. Mikael smiled in return. "I..uh.. Am sorry." Even whispered, afraid to look on Mikael. "For what?" his friend asked. "About the shit that went down when I had the episode and tried to kiss you." Even finally looked on Mikael. He just chuckled, "It's okay Even," he said kindly, "we already talked about this." "What? When?" Even frowned. "When you introduced us to Isak." _Oh._

The boys spent few more hours there, until the visiting hours ended.

Even opened his laptop and crossed another point.

 

 

  * ~~****Socialize more often****~~


  * **Doodle**


  * ~~**Write everything down**~~


  * **Talk to your doctor when worried**


  * **Sleep well**


  * **Eat well**


  * **Be active**


  * **Don't PUSH it**



 

 

He looked on the time. It was still too soon to go sleep. So he crawled out of the bed and took the sketch book from the floor. He sighed and went back to bed.

As he opened the book he again looked on the old sketches of Isak. He put on his earphones, opened his Spotify playlist. Then he started drawing, listening to his 'most listened songs'. First it seemed to be some random lines, but slowly it started looking like a boy. Even draw his white coat, his work-out body, his hands, his head. He started drawing his face.

He was nearly done, when his heart suddenly jumped. _Could it be?_ He looked on his old drawings, comparing them to the new one. _Could it be?_

He opened his sketch book on his last page.

_Suddenly everything started to make sense. Suddenly the pieces started fitting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuun tadaa!  
> Something is happening!


	10. DAY 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even found Isak, or did he?

When Even woke up in the morning, he immediately remembered what happened yesterday. He pressed the red button and impatiently waited for the nurse to come.

I know. I finally know who you are.

It felt like whole eternity before she came, but as soon as she opened the door, Even shouted "I need to talk to Adrian!". The nurse frowned on him, "I beg your pardon?" "I need to talk to doctor Valtersen!" he repeated, "Please." "…okay?" and she was gone.

Even was waiting. For Adrian to come.

But after lunch he figured out, that he wasn't coming.

Please. Give me one more chance.

 

But luck was on his side. He saw Rasmus. And Rasmus was smiling on someone widely. Adrian. Even waited for both men to stop and start talking.

His hand slowly moved forward the red button and held it. The alarm started ringing. He honestly expected Rasmus to come in, but to his suprise it was Adrian who ran in the room and shut the door behind him.

Ups… sorry?

"Okay," Adrian said angrily, "what the hell is going on Even?". Even was looking on him. Of course. It all made sense now. "I am sorry." He said quietly, looking on Adrian. I am not, I need to talk to you.

"You can't just continue doing this." Disturbing my conversations with Rasmus. Oh I can, just watch me. "You have no reason to do that. " Oh I do. "So can you just leave me alone? You will be much better off, without me in your life." Even frowned. Ouch. "Don't say that." Even whispered, suddenly feeling so sad. "Leave Rasmus alone Even, you have no reason to be…" Adrian suddenly stopped, "wait…" he stumbled, "…are you jealous?" he asked with scoff.

"I am." Even said without hesitation, looking straight in Adrian's green eyes. I am so fucking jealous Adrian, can't you see that?

"Okay, that's it Even." Adrian was back to being angry, "I'm leaving and stop bothering me." "I can't," Even said as Adrian wanted to open the door, "I can't when I have this feeling in stomach, whenever I hear you laugh, or whenever you're close enough to me." Even stuttered, "Don't you feel it as well?" Adrian turned around, tears in his eyes. "Whenever I think about you I feel so empty and sad and alone, and then you come, like a fucking sun in my life." Adrian was looking on him, "Just stop talking." he whispered.

"I may have lost you before and I don't even remember it, but I don't want to loose you again, Isak, please, just give me one more chance." Both of them were crying now. _I know you're Isak. Please forgive me. Please give me one more chance._

But the young boy just left, without saying anything. "Isak!" Even shouted behind him, but the doors closed.

_I just found you Isak, don't leave me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sooo soorrryyyy! But don't loose hope! There will be happy end eventually! I will not stop writing this until happy end.


	11. DAY 13-15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even remembers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry!

Even honestly thought they were back to ignoring. I fucked up this one, didn't I?

But when it was Isak who woke him up him in the morning to give him his meds, Even hugs him, not caring what Isak says. I thought I lost you. 

Isak was back on his case. Isak was back.

He started coming after the shifts. Talking to Even. Watching movies. Joking. Teasing. Flirting. Sometimes they talked about Even's dreams- Isak explaining what happened.

Even was feeling happy again. But also he wondered why did he let go. Why he stopped fighting for Isak. Why he broke up with him. He didn't tell Isak about these thoughts, because he didn't want to open up old wounds.

Isak's friends came to visit him. They talked and laugh and Even was again feeling so sad, about how he didn't remember it. How he doesn't remember his life with Isak.

And he tried remembering. He was still trying. But it didn't work.

 

It was evening and Even was waiting for Isak to bring him his meds. He was in his white coat, all buttons unbuttoned showing the blue t-shirt underneath it. Even loved seeing Isak in his doctor-coat. Actually he loved seeing Isak, no matter what he was wearing.

 

He came later than usually. "Hi," he smiled nervously as he entered the room, "sorry it's mess today." he said as he handled Even his meds. "Troubles with patients." Even chuckled as he reached for the glass, at the same moment as Isak did.

The glass felt down. "Shit." Isak muttered as he bow down to clean the mess. As he was cleaning, a golden chain fell from beneath Isak's t-shirt. It was a simple golden chain with… a ring on it. A silver ring, with '21:21' written on it.

Even gasped.

He remembers. He remembers everything. 

Fuck I am so sorry Isak. I didn't want to. But I understand now. I did it for you. Please forgive me. I love you. But I need to let you go.

Even didn't know he was screaming, crying and shaking until Isak tried to calm him down. He pushed Isak away, trying to catch his breath. "Leave me alone!" he screamed on him. I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Isak - my love. I am so sorry. "I don't love you anymore." A lie. A biggest one Even ever said. "Go away!" he shouted, crying, trying to move on his bed as far as he could from Isak.

The whole room was shaking. Everything was spinning. He fucked up this one, he did.

He didn't see the nurses running in his room. Isak scared to hell. Rasmus putting something into his veins.

Soon his eyes fell and his breathe calmed. He fell asleep.

I remember everything now, Isak, my love, please forgive me, I can't love you anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it looks so bad but don't worry! I promised you happy ending and I already finished the 2nd part of this story!!!!


	12. DAY 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EVEN'S POV

When Even saw Isak for the first time, his world turned upside down. True, he still was dating Sonja. But this blond angel took his heart. Even could drown in his green eyes.

It took him some time before he learnt Isak's name. 

Then he tried to seduce him on the bench during Kossegruppa.

Talking to Isak was always easy. Even loved making Isak smile, laugh and blush. Even loved teasing Isak.

Once he even pretended to forget his ID just so Isak would have to come with him. They smoked, talked and had those awful cheese toasts. Isak was wondering if he should kiss him right there, but then his friends came. Fucking hell.

The next time Even talked to Isak was on that Kossegruppa party. He still wasn't sure if Isak liked him. Like like him. But he wasn't that easy to give up. Especially after he kissed Sonja and Isak was looking on him. And Even was looking back. He was there after the party ended, helping Isak to clean. Talking about Sonja. He could see, that Isak didn't like her. He joked, just to make Isak smile. He wanted to see Isak smile. And then, he almost kissed him. Again. And again they were interupted. Even was furious.

Maybe it was the universe. Trying to tell Even to stay away.

And so he did. Or so, at least tried. And failed.

Eventually he managed to escape with Isak only. And they were finally alone. 

In the pool. When they drowned, Even was thinking if he should do it. He had nothing to loose. And so he swam closer to Isak and… finally kissed him.

As they reached the surface again, he was nervously waiting for Isak's reaction.

When they drowned the second time, it was Isak, who kissed him. And Even wanted to scream. Laugh. Cry. It was happening. 

He kept kissing Isak, when the small girl interrupted them.

Fucking hell, of course it was a sign. Of course the fucking universe didn't want him to be with Isak. But he didn't care. Because being with Isak was something beautiful. He thought he could be happy again.

They spend whole weekend together. Lying in bed. Talking. Smoking. Kissing.

Even was already in love.

With this beautiful boy with green eyes and blond curls.

But when he woke up the next day, the reality struck him. You are bipolar, he thought, he will never love you.

He left Isak a drawing and left.

Isak saw him on the party where he kissed Sonja. He actually hated himself for that, because hurting Isak was the last thing he wanted to happen.

So when Isak texted him, he rushed over to his flat, to talk. They hadn't actually talk that evening, but Even didn't mind.

They talked the next day, and it seemed that Isak understood. 'Only you can feel what you feel' Isak told him that morning, and Even knew what he felt. Love.

But he couldn't tell him about his bipolar, not aftr what Isak told him about his mother. He knew it was selfish but he didn't want to loose Isak, not yet. He wanted to feel loved a bit longer.

He should've seen the signs. That he was slipping. Things might have turn out different, if he hadn't run away that night. Naked. Freaking Isak out.

He honestly thought that Isak will never talk to him. Being a burden as was his mother to him. He just wanted to say a proper goodbye. And he did. He sent him a message.

And Isak came, running, looking for him. 

Even didn't deserve this boy.

He was here for Even when he was feeling down. And even after they, he didn't leave Even. They talked, and Isak decided to stay anyway.

Even loved him with his whole heart.

Soon they moved in together and Even couldn't have been happier. Or he thought so.

They have been together for almost three years when Even dared.

Not that he wasn't sure about it. He was. But he didn't want to pressure Isak anyhow. He knew his boyfriend had a lot on his plate.

But then Valentine's day was coming and Even couldn't help himself. 

Things were good.

But then Even had another episode and he crashed. Hard. He hadn't leave the bed for weeks and even though Isak was there for him, caring him, kissing him 'good morning' kisses and 'hello, I am back' kisses, 'goodnight' kisses, reassuring him, loving him. Even couldn't help but feel like a burden. Isak wasn't going out with his friends, instead he stayed home with his boyfriend. His crazy boyfriend.

And so one day when Even felt a little better, he told Isak to join his friends on some party. Just as Isak left, Even changed into clothes a went outside. He left his keys and mobile at home, knowing he will not need them anymore. He was always scared of people leaving him... But what if he was the one to leave them?

He walked through Oslo, enjoying his last night. He walked around Nissen, sitting on the bench for a while, he walked next to the house where he kissed Isak for the first time, he saw the hotel where he took Isak on that horrible night. And then, he finally headed to the bridge, where he used to go with Isak during their walks.

The sun was slowly coming up, first shines touching still sleeping Oslo.

He looked around. He was alone. As always. Alone with his thoughts. Thoughts that were killing him inside. He tried to stop, but he couldn't. Noone could help him, because in the end, he would just hurt them and they would leave him. He was alone. Unless… he would be the one leaving them…

He walked up to the railling and looked down. The river under the bridge was wild. He sat up on the railling and watched the rising sun. 

Suddenly all his thoughts calmed down. The tears were coming down his face. He was so happy but so sad at the same time. But he had to do this. For everyones good.

Just as he tried to push himself down, strong arms pulled around him. The person hugging him tightly, crying into his face. He looked around. "Isak." he whispered, "I am sorry." Isam was looking on him, face wet from tears. "Don't do it Even," he cried, "du er ikke allene." Even tried to pull away from him, but Isak didn't let him go. No, instead Isak jumped on the railling and sat next to him. "If you jump, I jump." he whispered, "I can't breathe without you, Even. You're my everything and I love you so much, okay?" Isak said, hugging Even, trying to get as close to him as he could. "I am always here, I am not going anywhere." Isak said with tears in his eyes, "I know I am new to all this, I know I probably fucked up so much things, but don't give up on me yet Even, because I am not giving up on you. Never! Understood?" Even was looking on Isak, again crying. Finally hugging him back. "I am so sorry Isak." He sobbed on his shoulder, "I am so sorry." Isak was hugging him tightly, "Don't do this ever again to me Even." Isak cried, "I was so scared that I lost you." Isak brushed Even's hair, "You're like my oxygen Even, I don't think I would survive without you." He said as he kissed him in the hair. "You have to promise me that you will never do it again," he said, looking on Even, "look at me and promise me you'll never try it again." Even looked on him. He felt so small, so weak. "But what if you leave me?" He whispered, "what if you move on?" Isak started crying again, "I am not going to leave you Even, I love you, but you have to talk to me. You can always talk to me okay? No matter what." Even nodded. "I promise." He whispered as he draw closer to Isak. They stayed sitting on the railing for few more minutes watching the sun rising over Oslo. Then they walked home, lying in the bed, hugging tightly, trying to get as close to each other as they could. They talked about it later, made some rules, if Even ever -hopefully not- tried again.

They were okay.

Two months later, on Valentine's day Even picked up Isak right from job and took him to one of the most classiest restaurant in Oslo. After perfect dinner they drove home. Here Even had another suprise for Isak. There was a path made from dandelions leading to their bedroom. Isak smiled on Even, blushing all over his face. Even loved how easy it was to make his boyfriend blush.

As Isak entered the bedroom, Even lighted up all the candles. Isak gasped. All the walls that used to be simply white were now full. Full of drawings Even made for Isak. Pictures of them. Together. All their memories were there. Whole their story was written in those pictures. Not only happy days but also the bad ones. But it didn't matter, because worked through it. It made them stronger. It made them love each other even more than before.

Isak looked back on Even, tears in his eyes, then back on the wall. 

Meanwhile Even took something from his pocket and kneeled behind Isak.

Isak was looking on all the photos, remembering all the memories, when he found one photo he did not recognize. It was a picture of hand with two rings in it. He turned around to look on Even, who was on his knee with a box in his hands.

Isak gasped, his hands covering his mouth. Even smiled on him with tears in his eyes.

"Isak Valtersen, will you make me the happiest man on this earth and marry me?" Even said, his eyes glued on his maybe-to-be-fiancé, "I know it's going to be hard, but I also know that if I want to spend my life with someone, it's you."

He was nervous, because Isak hasn't answered yet.

But he did. "Yes." Isak screamed as he jumped on Even and hugged him. "I love you so much." "I love you too." He kissed him. "Can I put the ring on you, fiancé?" Both of them chuckled and Isak nodded.

They Even dragged Isak to bed and slowly undressed him.

He had a fiancé. They were fucking going to married.

Even was so happy. Life was good.

 

Few weeks before the wedding, Even crashed again. At one moment he was with Isak in bed, the other moment he was running on the street, naked. He heard Isak shouting behind him, but he couldn't stop. He ran in the street not caring about the cars. And Isak didn't either. Even heard a scream behind him, a car screeching and a lot of noise. He turned around and saw Isak lying before the car. Covered in blood.

The next thing he remembered was waking up in the hospital.

He hadn't seen or heard from Isak for next 2 weeks.

When they released him home, Isak was waiting there for him. He looked tired. Even's conscience was eating him alive.

And then it was too much. The last thing Even needed, was to see Isak in the shower. His body was covered in blue marks and bruises. Even suddenly felt bad from the stomach. He needed to get out.

"Shit." Isak only whispered, before Even ran out of the flat. 

Isak got out the shower, grabbed the nearest towel, put it around his waist and ran into the hallway, but Even was already gone.

Isak was clever enough to know it didn't make any sense to try and follow Even. He needed his time, and he will come back, when he is ready. 

Even was outside, not sure where he was going, he just needed to breathe. Isak was hurt. Because of him. And he lied about it. Where was this going? How could they live like this? One living with blame, the other one pretending everything was fine.

 

"Hi." Isak whispered, standing next to the table, when Even came back home, "Hi." Even greeted back even more quietly and sat to the table, so did Isak. Isak made dinner, but neither of them touched their food, they were just sitting here, looking on each other.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Even finally broke the silence. "Because I didn't want you to hurt." "I hurt you Isak, and you kept it from me." "Sorry." Isak whispered. "Where have you been the weeks before I could see you again?" Isak was quiet, avoiding Even's sigh. "Isak?" Even suddenly got angry again, "Where. Have. You. Been. The. Two. Weeks. I. Haven't. See. You?" "I was on ICU, in coma for a week." he blurted out, quickly looking away, but then back on Even. 

Even suddenly wasn't angry, suddenly something in him broke and he started crying. Isak walked to him and hugged him tightly. "It's okay Even. I am okay. We are okay." That night, they didn't eat their dinner. That night they went to bed, together, lying there, hugging each other, trying to get closer to the other boy.

After that night things went better again. Even started going out with Isak and his friends again. He was flirting with him. He was teasing him. Things were good. Life was good.

Isak honestly thought so, but what he didn't know, was how depressing it was for Even.

Even was blaming himself so much. He thought it will get better, but it didn't. Every time he felt like he was slipping, he panicked. Every time, he did something, that Isak didn't like he freaked out.

 

He was so scared of Isak leaving him.

Isak was the only thing that saved him so many times before.

He couldn't breathe without Isak. He couldn't live without Isak.

Even without Isak was noone.

 

One day Even had enough. He went from work home earlier and waited for Isak. When Isak came Even hadn't greet him. Isak knew he was home, he saw Even's shoes in the hallway. He walked into the living room, and saw Even standing in kitchen. "Even?" he asked, with fear in his voice. I am so sorry Isak. My love, please forgive me.

When Even came back to the table, he put on it two cups of warm tea. "Sit." he whispered, "We need to talk." It was time to talk. Please, my dear, please forgive me.

"Don't." Isak whispered, tears coming to his eyes, "Please, don't." But Even just shook his head. "I can't do this Isak." he said, "We're not working." I can't live with fear I will hurt you again… "What?" Isak scoffed, "Even this is bullshit. Don't do this." I am sorry. I really am. Even didn't say anything. "Why?" Isak tried, "Is it because of the accident Even? I thought we talked about that." "It's not because of that Isak." A lie. I can't watch you getting hurt because of me. "So what then?!"

Even looked in Isak's eyes, "I just don't love you anymore." He said. Another lie. I love you so much Isak. I just need to you to be happy. You'll be happier without me in your life. Remember? You don't need sick people in your life. And stood up. "I will come for my things when you're at work." He said as he was leaving the flat. He ran out of the flat, tears falling down from his cheeks.

His heart was broken.

He hadn't seen Isak since. He was avoiding him. He also didn't find anyone else. How could he anyway? When he still loved Isak with his whole heart? He couldn't.

He was living day by day, in endless loop. Waking up, taking his meds, going to work, coming back home to his parents, sleeping. He didn't hang out that much with his friends anymore.

He was thinking about giving up, but he still remembered his promise. And somehow, he couldn't make himself to break it.

 

I love you so much Isak, please forgive me.

 

And then, one day, he woke up in hospital, looking in green eyes, not knowing to whom they belong. And he was so empty. So sad. So broken.

 

But luckily Isak hadn't give up fighting for him.

 

But Even couldn't be with him. He couldn't look in his eyes. Not when he still loved him, not when he hurt him and left him.

He didn't deserve another chance from Isak. He was supposed to be angry on Even. He was supposed to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow I will post two chapters!!!! The final one for this part, and first one, in part 2 of this story!! :)))


	13. DAY 17-20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii guys, here I am with the last chapter of this part, you can already check the first chapter of Part 2 (it's called Keep coming back to you)

Even managed to avoid Isak for the few last days. Inside he was celebrating. Today he was going to be released. He could go back to his life of doing nothing. _How exciting._

 

Unfortunately Isak wasn't having it. And so as Even had been packing his things, Isak slided in his room and closed the door behind him. Even turned around to look who came.

"Isak." he whispered, looking on him and on the door, "Can you please leave?" he asked him, but Isak refused. "I will scream." Even threatened. _I am sorry Isak, I am so ashamed I can't even look at you._ "Scream, avoid me, whatever you feel like. Just tell me why?" Isak said, still standing before the door. Even walked to the bed and sat on it. Isak wasn't going to give up any time soon.

"We never talked," he said quietly, looking on Even, "you never told me what I did wrong." Even stiffenet. _It's not you Isak, it's me._ "You didn't do anything wrong Isak." "Just tell me why." he came closer to him, because honestly Even, you fucked me up. I just want to know why." Even shook his head. _I can't tell you. It'll hurt you. I don't want to hurt you anymore._

"I can't tell you that Isak." he said, avoiding his eyes. "Why not?" "Because then you will hate me… more than now…" "I just need to know why." Isak whispered, standing so close to Even, that he could feel his warmth.

 

"Because I was scared of loosing you," Even said ashamedly, "I couldn't stop worrying about you, whenever I felt like I was slipping I freaked out, scared I will get you hurt again,… and I thought that if I leave you it won't hurt that much," Even looked on Isak, but quickly looked down on his hands, the tears were falling down his cheeks, "I though you would be happier without me. I didn't want to hurt you… I just wanted you to be happier." he sobbed, hiding his head in his hands. _Here you go. That's the truth, are you happy now?_

He couldn't look on Isak. He just couldn't make himself to look up. "Can you please leave now?" _I am sorry Isak._ But Isak didn't. He was standing there, looking on Even not saying anything.

After few minutes Isak spoke up. "I can't actually be mad at you because of that…" Even looked up on him. _What the hell are you talking about? I fucking broke up your heart Isak._ "Every time you were slipping, I was so scared, you know? That you would leave me and never come back." he paused, "But you always did. And that's what mattered to me. You were my home, and knowing I was yours…" Isak was crying, "For fucks sake Even, I was really looking forward marrying you… and I wish I was just good enough for you. As good as you were for me." Even stood up and walked to Isak. "You were the best thing that happened in my life Isak, don't ever doubt that." he said and hugged him tightly. It was good feeling, being so close to Isak again. _Stop it Even, you can't go there again._

Isak suddenly raised his head. Even could feel him breathing against him.

"Isak," he whispered, _don't do it._ But Isak wasn't listening. He slowly pressed his lips against Even's.  And God. How Even missed that feeling. "I can't." Even murmured. More to remind himself than Isak. But hell, he wanted to kiss him back. Isak was determined. He put his hand on Even's neck and dragged him closer, then he kissed him again. Eagerly. Even had problem not kissing back. But what he did not count on was his body reacting on Isak's closeness. Especially his underbody parts. And what was even worse, Isak noticed as well.

Even felt how Isak's second hand was slowly moving, from his hip down, Isak really wasn't that shy boy anymore. Even gasped as he felt Isak's hand in his crotch. And that really didn't help Even with his problem. Instead Even felt himself hardening even more. "Fuck Isak." He whispered, hard breathing. _You still have so much power over me_. Isak kissed him again and tightened his grip. Even gasped. _Okay... Enough of these games,_ he thought as he finally kissed Isak back.

"I need you inside me," Isak whispered between kisses, "please." Even broke the kiss and looked on Isak, "What if someone comes?" he asked, Isak shook his head, "I don't care Even, now fuck me." Even sighed, it was hard to say _no_ , to Isak.

So he kissed him again, not parting their lips, they moved to the bed.

It was good sex, Even didn't deny that. For months he has been thinking about it, about Isak, and now finally being with him again, it felt so good. It was more tense then usually, harder, heartbroking.

When they finished, they just lied on the bed for few more moments, their fingers intertwined, Even kissing Isak in his hair.

"I should go." Isak suddenly said, as he tried to get up from the bed, "Isak…" Even whined, shocked of the sudden loss of Isak's warmth, but he didn't persuade him. _Maybe it was better this way._ Isak quickly dressed, not looking on Even. When Even dressed as well, Isak took all the dirty sheets and was on his way out.

"Isak…" Even tried to stop him, but Isak didn't look at him, "Goodbye Even." he said, finally looking up. Green eyes meeting the blue ones for one last time. And then he was gone.

 

In another universe Even fighted harder for him, but not in this one.

 

When Even's parents came, he packed the rest of his things and left without seeing Isak again. He moved back to his parents house, in his old room. He was suprised, how much things reminded him of Isak. The drawings, the pictures, the clothes in Even's wardrobe.

He unpacked his things from the hospital, when he felt something in his pocket. When he took it out, it was a golden chain with a silver ring on it.

Even's heart broke once again. He started crying and destroying everything connected with Isak. He pulled down all the pictures and drawings. He tossed away all the clothes from his wardrobe.

 

_He lost him. He lost Isak._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me! I promised you happy ending, there is still going to be happy ending! I promise things get better from now on!!! GO CHECK PART 2

**Author's Note:**

> Again, if there are any mistakes, please forgive me, I wrote it for fun, not for it to be perfect :)


End file.
